Wrestling Wednesday #2 - WCW Starrcade 1997
The show begins with
the awesome, now classic Starrcade 1997 promo showing Sting in an abandoned
building. Very haunting, very well edited, just an excellent start. I love it.
We’re greeted by Tony
Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes and Mike Tenay on commentary. Solid line-up. Tad
disappointed there’s no Bobby Heenan, but it’s okay.
Schiavone tells us it’s
going to be the greatest night in the history of the sport. Like I couldn’t
have called that one.
Pretty much events
WCW superstar not competing on the show are in the audience to watch the event.
Unique, different, but I like it. Gives the show a big-fight feel, like seeing
celebrities or other fighters attending UFC events as fans.
Dusty cuts a
typically excellent promo/hype-job for Hogan-Sting later in the evening. I love
me some “American Dream”, babeh!
Dean Malenko is out
for the first match in the evening, and gets a great response from the
audience. I think people genuinely forget how over Malenko was in WCW. Fans
really enjoyed his work.
Ah man, it’s Eddie
Guerrero, mullet and all! With his absolutely awesome WCW theme. Seriously,
look it up. It’s wicked.
Guerrero saunters
down the ring with the WCW Cruiserweight Championship on the line. He gives
Disco Inferno, who’s in the crowd, daggers as he passes him. Viva La Raza!
Some chain wrestling
followed by Malenko punching the shit out of Guerrero to start. The crowd are
hot for this one, which bodes well for the rest of the event. A crowd can make
and break a show.
Guerrero goes for a
spring-board hurrurcarana, and gets planted with a powerbomb.
Malenko decides one
isn’t enough and nearly breaks Guerrero in half with another powerbomb. If
Guerrero isn’t concussed, I’d be honestly surprised. He hits his head off the
mat HARD.
The champion takes a
breather to the outside for some cheap heat, but hey, heat is heat. Crowd boo
like Eddie just took a dump on the American flag.
Eddie chops Malenko
so softly, I’m pretty sure he almost forgets to sell it. Somewhere backstage,
Benoit was no doubt frothing at the mouth in anger.
I like Schiavone’s
commentary. He gets the matches an air of legitimacy with his calls. He doesn’t
have the raw passion of say someone like JR, but he’s good in a different way.
Eddie kisses Malenko’s
feet and begs for mercy, and Malenko responds with a dropkick much to the fans
delight. The work-rate so far isn’t off the charts like their ECW classic in
1994, but they’re working the crowd very well.
The champion gains
the advantage by dropkicking the steel steps into Malenko’s knee. Meanwhile,
they show Greg Valentine in the crowd. WHY THE FUCK DID GREG VALENTINE HAVE A
FULL TIME JOB WITH A WRESTLING COMPANY IN 1997?
Guerrero hits a
brutal powerbomb of his own, a receipt to Malenko’s two earlier. I’m surprised
this match has been as grounded as it has – very little “high risk” moves so
far.
“The Iceman” gains
the advantage again, and too soon in my opinion. Eddie needed a prolonged period
of time where he works over Malenko and builds heat for the big comeback. At
this point of the match, it’s now becoming a little bit too much back and
forth. Perhaps management didn’t want either men looking too weak?
Malenko hits another
devastating powerbomb. Looks good, sounds good, but it’s impact is lost on me.
These two needs to start busting out some different moves.
And just like that,
Eddie dropkicks Malenko’s knee, and hits a Frogsplash for the victory FROM
OUTTA NOWHERE.
Ugh. It’s like the
referee just told them to go home suddenly and they did. Not a fan of the
finish, but decent enough opener that the crowd were into.
New, new, new, new
World order… for life! One of the best wrestling theme songs of all time, bar
none. Instantly recognizable. And here comes one half of The Outsiders, Scott
Hall! Hey yo!
Hall name-drops the
city they’re in for a cheap pop, but he’s the heel. Dumb.
Kevin Nash isn’t in attendance,
so the semi-main event of Nash vs The Giant is off. Ugh. Well, at leas they
didn’t keep people waiting.
The Giant comes out,
cuts a painfully generic promo about how he’ll wait for Nash to return, and
then plants Hall with a Jackknife Powerbomb.
The nWo B-Team theme
begins to play, which many people have reported having played in pornos. I can
picture it.
Scott Norton, Vincent
(aka Virgil in WWF) and “Macho Man” Randy Savage representing the nWo take on
the Rick and Scott Steiner, and Ray Traylor (aka Big Bossman in WWF), who are accompanied
by “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase, representing WCW.
Firstly, WHY THE FUCK
DOES VINCENT HAVE A JOB IN 1997?
Secondly, Savage’s
manager Miss Elizabeth, looks absolutely stunning.
Finally, Scott
Steiner is without a shadow of a doubt on some serious roids. Holy fuck, the
size of his arms.
By the numbers for
the first few minutes, slow building, and all in all honesty, the babyfaces get
way too much offence.
Vincent gets paint-brushed
by Scott Steiner that makes me smile from ear-to-ear. Treated like the jobber
that he is.
Traylor gets beaten
up for around a minute before a “comeback”, tagging Rick in for the cold tag.
It degenerates into a clusterfuck, and the crowd are struggling to get invested
in this one. I can’t blame ‘em.
The crowd come alive
when they realize Savage is about to hit the Big Elbow Drop from the top rope,
and pop when he hits it. A three count later, and Team nWo win a pretty
unremarkable six-man tag.
Savage hilariously
gets into it with WCW stars who are in the crowd whilst leaving the arena. He
was so damn good, man.
JJ Dillon is
interviewed by “Mean” Gene Okerlund, and announces Nick Patrick as the referee
for the main event. The crowd don’t give a fuck.
OH MAN, I RECOGNISE
THAT THEME. HERE COMES GOLDBERG.
Minus fireworks,
minus the Goldberg chants… Ah, Goldberg is still new and doesn’t have the
streak yet. This should be interesting.
OH FUCK, HE’S FACING
STEVE MONGO MCMICHAEL. FUCK MY LIFE, THIS IS GOING TO BE AWFUL.
MONGO HOLDS UP THE
FOUR FINGERS AS A MEMBER OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN. MY EYES.
Goldberg meets his in
the aisle-way and they immediately brawl on the outside. Good lord, they’re
taking shortcuts already. This is going to be painful.
Neither men know how
to sell, or work from the looks of it. I have no idea who is babyface or heel,
but fans support Goldberg by default, as nobody in their right mind wants to
cheer for Mongo.
Goldberg sets up a
table at ringside to put Mongo through, presumably because Goldberg likes
getting himself disqualified. The fuck?
Mongo winds up through
the table, and the fans chant ECW. Steve Mongo McMichael is the LAST thing I think
of when I think of ECW.
Goldberg hits a
Jackhammer, and mercifully, this match is over. Not good.
The commentary team
all agree that Goldberg and Mongo will meet again. Please, no.
NEVER MIND THAT SHIT,
HERE COMES RAVEN.
No theme music, no
pyro, just Raven, being a boss. Promo time!
Raven decides he
doesn’t want to wrestle tonight. Well, that sucks. Perry Saturn will be taking
his place. Eh, I like Saturn so it could’ve been worse. I could’ve been Billy Kidman…
or heaven forbid, Lodi.
The sirens go off and
here comes Saturn. Fuck you Steiner, Perry Saturn had this style of theme song
first.
Here comes Chris
Benoit baby, who I still enjoy watching even after everything. He gets a really
awesome response from the fans. Note: Chris Benoit’s WCW theme song has been
heard in pornos also.
Haha, oh fuck, Benoit
cuts SUCH a bad promo. So bad, Maffew from Botchamania included it in one
episode.
Dusty Rhodes pretty
much shits over Benoit’s promo. Good.
Benoit and Saturn
should be a damn good match, on paper. Their styles should mesh well, and at
this point, Saturn was a damn fine wrestler. He has hair on his head at that
point, and looks ridiculous however.
That being said,
Benoit’s rocking the mullet, so Saturn shouldn’t feel too bad.
Billy Kidman jumps
over the guard rail (he must’ve heard me!) and Benoit drills him. The Flock
then attack Benoit, but no disqualification is called. Is the referee fucking
blind?!
Is this Raven’s
Rules? If so, nobody has mentioned it. Why hasn’t Saturn been DQ’d?
Tenay tells us it is
in fact, Raven’s Rules. A heads up would’ve nice guys.
Alex Wright [THE
GERMAN!] is shown sitting in the audience, looking half-asleep.
All of The Flock
attack Benoit, including Lodi. Lodi is the shits man.
Raven hits the
Evenflow DDT, knocking Benoit out, and Saturn locks in the Rings of Saturn
submission for the win. Not a bad match at all – structured well, good action
and a nice story told of Benoit against the odds.
Up next is Buff
Bagwell vs Lex Luger. I’m expecting this to be terrible, but who knows, it
could turn out decent.
People hate on
Bagwell, and sure, he’s not a brilliant worker by any stretch – but the dude
has SO much charisma, I can’t help but find him entertaining. Luger meanwhile
may be the better worker, but he is so… plain. A charisma vacuum.
Bagwell sells getting
spat on like a Big Show Knockout Punch… I can’t defend that. It looks dumb.
This match is just
stalling followed by more stalling. I’m going to make myself a sandwich. Legit.
I come back and Luger
is sucking wind so bad. This match is so by the numbers right now, it is
painful.
A ton of interference
later, and Bagwell picks up the cheap victory. The match was… not good. It wasn’t
awful, but… nah. It was just there. Instantly forgettable.
nWo theme music
starts up and here comes Curt Hennig, known as Mr Perfect in the WWF. Hennig is
putting the United States Championship on the line against my man, Diamond
Dallas Page.
… the fuck? We get a
cheap knockoff of DDP’s WCW theme, which in itself was a cheap knockoff of “Smells
Like A Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. Blah, it doesn’t sound nearly as good.
We get a LOUD DPP
chant. Damn, he is over like rover man. Easily the number two babyface behind
Sting at during this time period. Super popular.
Very fun back and
forth match so far, and I’d expect nothing less from these two. Both very, very
good workers, and the way they’re building this match, I’m guessing they’ve
been given a lot of time.
Now, this is how a
match should be structured man – babyface gets the advantage, the heel cheats
to get the upper hand, babyface makes his comeback. Booking 101, though only
Benoit/Saturn have followed this formula tonight.
DDP hits the Diamond
Cutter FROM OUTTA NOWHERE, and fucking hell, the crowd come unglued! Seriously
man, I think you could’ve had DDP vs Hogan tonight, and the crowd genuinely
would’ve bought it. DDP gets the cover and the win, and is your new United
States champ!
The commentary team
gush over DDP winning his first major championship, and it feels like a damn
special moment. Great stuff. It’s obvious they had big plans for DDP in the
coming year, so great booking, and Hennig made him look like a million bucks.
Hey, it’s Bret “Hitman”
Hart! He’s going to be special referee for the next match. Bret had just come
to WCW after the Montreal Screwjob the prior month. Bret’s first appearance on
WCW PPV, and he’s only a referee… really?!
New… new… new World
order….fuck yeah, IT’S EASY E!
Ugh, that means Eric Bischoff
is about to wrestle. Guy is an excellent character, heel and promo guy, but I never
wanna’ see him in a match. This could be ugly. Scott Hall is in Bischoff’s
corner.
The absolutely
amazing and kick-ass Monday Night Nitro music plays, and here comes horrible
commentator but solid wrestler Larry Zybysko! He’s facing Bischoff, with the
winner gaining control of Nitro (Bischoff for nWo, Zybysko for WCW).
Zybysko for his age,
which I assume is 85, is still in great shape. Bischoff however, looks like a
regular joe. Zybysko should trounce him, but wrestling logic tells me this is
going to be far more even than it really should be… with a fuck load of
stalling. Meh.
Fans are eager for
Bischoff to gets his ass kicked, but this whole “feeling each other out” process
is going to wear thin really, really quickly.
As soon as I’ve
finished typing that, Eric nails Zybysko with an admittedly very good looking
karate kick. He is a black belt after all. Zybysko responds by punching the
ever-loving hell out of him and rubbing his face into the mat. Fans eat it up,
and Bischoff sells really well.
They’re trying to
build tension that Bret is going to side with the nWo. The fans aren’t buying
it.
Bischoff gains the
upper hand after Bret stops Zybysko from battering Easy E in the corner. The
crowd have gone silent – not a great sign.
Hall puts a hunk of
metal in Bischoff’s foot-wear, and Zybysko gets drilled with a kick knocking
him out.
Bret Hart doesn’t
take that shit lying down, and he punches out Bischoff and the crowd are the
loudest they are all night! Bret nails Hall as well and locks in the
Sharpshooter and the fans are going insane! Mate, I got goosebumps!
Bret raises Zybysko’s
hand, and WCW keeps Nitro! The badass Nitro music cues up again, and fuck yeah,
WCW baby. Great moment. Match was as good as it possibly could have been, but
the feel-good ending is what it’s all about.
HELL YEAH, MICHAEL
BUFFER! This dude made EVERY main event in WCW feel like the biggest match
ever. Goes back to what I said by Schiavone’s commentary – legitimacy.
ARE YOU
REEEEAADDDYYY? FOR THE THOUSANDS IN ATTENDENCE, AND THE MILLIONS WATCHING
AROUND THE WORLD, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN… LETS GET READY TO RUUUUMMMBBLLLEEEE!!
For the last time
tonight, we get the nWo theme song, which now includes Kevin Nash’s EPIC
cackle/laugh spliced into it. Cracks me up every time.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan,
bitches. Using the WCW Championship as a guitar. What a boss. Fans boo the fuck
out of him anyway – it’s all about Sting tonight man.
We get a creepy
little child monologue with some strobe light effects, which these days looks
SO dated but back then, I’m sure people thought it was amazing. All adds to the
atmosphere at the end of the day though. This feels special.
THIS IS STING.
Sting gets an
electric response from the crowd. His first match in a year and a half, and
this is gonna’ be good… I hope.
God, Sting’s theme
song gives me chills. Such nostalgia.
The two have a pretty
iconic stare-down, and this is it. Hogan vs Sting.
Hogan’s hair is a
fucking state. Random observation I know, but it looks so bad.
THAT’S IT?!
Right, the match
barely goes 10 minutes. I was waiting for something noteworthy to talk about,
besides Sting looking absolutely knackered and out of shape. There was nothing.
Hogan hits the big legdrop from out of nowhere and… three?! WHHAAAA?
Nick Patrick
supposedly fast-counted (which he didn’t…) and Bret Hart lamps him. Hart
restarts the match, and Sting locks in the Scorpion Deathlock, Hogan taps and
what a fucking letdown of a match. Sting clearly didn’t train for this match.
He just couldn’t of.
Saying that, the ring
fills up with WCW superstars from backstage and the audience, and the fans
cheer their arses off. It feels like a special moment, but God, the match was
terrible. The payoff at the end however, is what people paid to see I guess.
And
with that, Starrcade 1997 comes to an end.
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